i refuse
i will make no resolutions on one one two zero one one
or any other one one
let me tell you why
in a laboratory in colorado
government scientists carefully observe cesium atoms
floating in perfect vacuum
cooled to near absolute zero
watching them vibrate, counting the cycles
so we can know what time it is
the international official atomic second
is mathematically synchronized with the eternal hopeless falling of the earth
towards the sun
that we call an orbit
flowers bloom
babies cry
shots are fired
young people die
leaves are falling
snowflakes sigh
blizzard mudslide fire hurricane
baseball football baseball football
around and around
as the earth reaches this atomically and astronomically precise location
having passed through the mystic barrier of the solstice
as our bodies begin to recognize that the days are getting longer
it becomes the season of lists
we read lists of top thises and thatses
and make our own list
of promises to ourselves
knowing that they will be broken
still hoping that the warmth of the lengthening days
will keep the promises alive long enough to make a difference
... because the worst thing
the last thing we want
is for the earth to be back at this exact same place
31 million, 556 thousand, 926 point 9747
universally coordinated seconds from now
after half a year of blossoming hope
and another half of blooming despair
making the exact same promises
like a lonely cesium atom
resonating there and back and the only output
is the single click of a cosmic countdown
so i refuse to resolve today
not because i will myself to triumph
over the atomic and astronomical rhythms
i neither deny nor defy
the meter and measure
of the cosmic cadence
i do not refuse because i want to transcend or escape
i refuse because i want to live
i refuse because my failures are precious
much too important to vanish in my hands like time
much too beautiful to be mourned abstractly like the shortening days
i refuse because failure is not the herald
of the synchronized inevitability of time
i refuse, and claim failure as key and cornerstone
of the crazy impossibility that is life